Wednesday 11 December 2019

Learning to Manage Chronic Pain

Hi everyone, over the past 5 weeks I have been attending a Pain Management course, and since I promised a few people, I have written a post all about it to report how it went, what type of things I learnt and if in general I found it helpful.  So here it is -
I have struggled for so many years, feeling very cut off and left alone to cope and manage because all the doctors told me is that I have this condition for life, there is no cure so you're stuck with it.  Learn to manage it, look up tips online, off you go, bye-bye!  And that was it.

I've felt like I'm floundering, just left to pick up the pieces of what's left of my life, just trying to push on through and all the while being in constant pain, exhausted and depressed. I didn't know where to turn, the internet wasn't the best of help because there's just so much online, where do you even start, what is actually the right advice to follow!

In general I am proud of myself, because I struggle every single day trying to get things done and get through the day, sometimes even when I'm in so much pain I'm in tears. But most days I do it, I still push through and I get what I can done!  At least now, after completing this course I have that little bit of extra knowledge and positive thinking behind me, to be able to help me get through life in a little bit of an easier way!
Being able to go on this course has given me that support and understanding I've desperately needed!  It's given me all the answers I've been searching for and more.
  If it wasn't for my councillor (that I see for my depression issues), telling me about the course, I would never have known about it.  As soon as she told me, I said I was definitely interested so she referred me.

I've now learnt how important it is to have people in your life to talk to (friends, family, a nurse or good gp etc) about your health, your emotions and fears, your medications, problems and ways to help solve them and for general support!  Because you should never have to manage alone!

I've learnt how important it is to exercise and stretch!  Even if you're in too much pain to move, which sounds crazy right!  But it's so true. The more you get your body moving, even a little bit each day, the more it will get used to it, strengthen the muscles and help you feel you can move with less pain.  It REALLY does work!

I've started doing my short stretching routine just for 10 minutes every day and it's already made a difference in the last few weeks.  I've learnt that it's ok to just do a little here and there and that things you already do, like housework, walking or playing with the dog etc any movements are classed as part of your 30 - 60 minutes of daily exercise!  It made me feel like I was already achieving something and I hadn't even realised!

I've learnt ways to help plan ahead, not forget important things despite my foggy fibro brain.
I've learnt that it's ok to take pain relief when I start to feel ill rather than waiting until I feel even worse and I'm trying to manage, because I feel guilty about giving in and taking them beforehand.  Because if you wait to take them when you feel even worse they're less likely to work!  So I don't need to feel guilty anymore, plus not only does it seem to help ease my pain better, I find I'm now taking less pain killers than before!

I've learnt that it's ok to feel down and sad but there are so many ways to help deal with it that you can do for yourself, keeping an emotion diary and writing down your feelings, healthy distraction techniques and other ways to turn it around and have a more positive attitude to help feel better!
Breathing and relaxation techniques, mini exercises and even the best ways to help others understand our needs better!

The tutors were completely lovely and so understanding, mainly I think because they had chronic illnesses too. They had all been through it the same as the rest of us attending the class, and they had also taken the course themselves.  It had worked so well for them they had been able to go from bed-bound, severely ill people hardly able to walk to people with lives!!  I think that helped give us all more hope. There were 7 others on the course with me, each of them with very different and difficult conditions but we all agreed how much we had learnt and how much we were all so grateful to be able to do this course.

One of the best things I found for me, was being able to put all their various techniques and ideas into practice in small ways in my daily life, just little changes or added things that have made a huge difference.  Because they taught us in such a way that we could all make the ideas work for our individual needs.  That was definitely a game changer for me and means that I will always be able to keep up with these changes and progress with them to really help me manage my condition in the long term.  Of course I'm not saying it was a cure-all, I will still always have my health issues and will always suffer with being in pain most of the time, but I will ALWAYS be so incredibly grateful for all the help I was given and the information I can now use to help me manage and get through the bad days.

If you suffer from any type of health condition or chronic pain, I cannot urge you enough to go and talk to your gp or health practitioner and ask them about a pain management course. Not all areas have them, but they are becoming increasingly popular and the more people that ask for them, the more chance they will create groups in all areas.
I also highly recommend this book "Self Management for Long-term Health Conditions". This is basically what the course is based around and the tutors constantly referred to it throughout the course. So if you aren't able to get in to a course or you want a head start, go get this book.  It's available to borrow from most libraries and you can purchase them online for as little as £5 from both Amazon and ebay.

I hope this post helped some of you who are in the same position I was and are currently struggling with your health condition.  If you would like any more details about the course or would just like to talk to me, please feel free to contact me via email (, IG chat (@CrystalSparklyDreams) or DM me on Twitter (DaniJ72), and I will try and help in any way I can.

So until next time, Stay Positive

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Friday 22 November 2019

Birthday Giveaway Winner Announcement

Hi everyone, it's time to announce the winner of my 6th blog birthday giveaway.  So without further ado, HUGE congratulations to (drum roll please) . . . Jessica Connely.
You are now the proud owner of the gorgeous Urban Decay Reloaded eyeshadow palette :-)

I will also let the winner know on the various social media's and I will notify you when I have posted the palette.  Congrats and enjoy!

Don't forget I will also be running a Christmas giveaway, be sure to look out for that and until next time, Stay Happy

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Tuesday 5 November 2019

6th Blog Birthday & Giveaway

Hi everyone, I'm not going to make the big song and dance about my blog birthday that I normally would, because let's face it my uploads have pretty much been all over the place this past year or so and very inconsistent, and I do feel really bad about it, I'm so sorry!
But that said, of course I still want to mark the occasion, because I still very much love my little blog (psst, this is also my 200th post!).  And as always I want to give a little something back to you guys.
So for my Blogs 6th Birthday, I am giving away the gorgeous new Urban Decay Naked Reloaded eyeshadow palette!

You know how much I love Urban Decay's products; they are all cruelty free and absolutely amazing quality, I swear by them and I know many of my readers love them too.  Of course we were all deeply saddened by the loss of UD's famous Naked palette but as you can see from some of the shades and similar names, this palette seems to offer us many of our old loved favourites from the original palette.  As always, I thought this would make an ideal gift for one of my lucky readers or why not try and win it for someone else you know would love it!  I've also ordered one for myself and I can't wait for it to arrive.

You know the drill by now - to enter use the Rafflecoper widget below and the giveaway will last for 2 weeks from today.  Please read all the T&Cs below and I can't wait to read your answers to my question.  Good luck :-)

The Rules:
©    To be in with a chance of winning my 'Blog Birthday Urban Decay Reloaded Giveaway', enter via the Rafflecopter widget
©    Please make sure you leave your first name and email address or twitter name in the comments, so that I can contact you if you win
©    There will be only one winner
©    This giveaway is open internationally
©    You must complete all 3 mandatory entries before you can access any of the extra entry options
©    This giveaway will run for 14 days from Tuesday the 5th of November 2019 until Tuesday the 19th of November 2019, 12.00am gmt
©    Once the giveaway is over, I will contact the winner directly via email or Twitter, once the winner has been contacted they will have 48 hours to reply or a new winner will be selected.

Until next time, stay happy, thank you for entering and good luck

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Thursday 31 October 2019

10 Things to Love About Halloween

Halloween has always been my favourite time of year and I always do a Halloween themed blog post, so of course I just couldn't let this year go by without doing another one and celebrating the best most spookiest day of year!

For this post, I've come up with a list of 10 things that I feel really sum up All Hallows Eve and all the things I love about it. Let me know in the comments witch (pun intended) one's you agree with and tell me any other things you love about this scary season too :-)

1. The Costumes - I mean how can you not love them!  I've always been a big fan of dressing up ever since I was a child, I would have fancy dress parties every birthday and dress up any other time I could.  So it was obvious I was still going to LOVE dressing up for Halloween as an adult too.  I've always made all my own costumes for Halloween and being a crafty person, I love making any little accessories to go with the outfits as well.  If you need some costume ideas for this weekend, check my two posts here and here for some really quick and easy ones.

2. The Treats - any excuse for chocolate is good in my book and Halloween is the perfect time to binge (or is that Christmas, or birthdays or all three!) :-D

3. Pumpkins - they're fun, they're tasty and just always look so seasonal.  I can honestly say, so far in my life I have never carved a pumpkin!  It's literally one of those 'things to do before I die' on my life goals list lol  But I do love the way they look with cute or scary faces sat outside lighting up people's doorways.

4. Scary Stories - My favourite has to be those little short creepy stories you find on google like; "The scariest thing to hear is a child laughing... when it's midnight and you're home alone"!!!  Lol I just love that.  If you fancy reading my own spooky short story, have a little look here, hope you like it.

5. Halloween Makeup Looks - I know youtube has everything from basic novice up to MUA level but, I just love watching how these makeup looks are done.  I did try to recreate my own one time, let's just say I'll leave it to the professionals!!

6. Fun For All - One thing that makes me happy when it comes to Halloween is, it's for everyone at any age.  Just because I'm not 6 and don't go around trick or treating anymore, I can still celebrate it and have fun, plus of course it's a great chance to scare your friends, which is always fun :-D

7. Spooky Baking - There are SO many amazingly easy Halloween treats you can make, but my favourite ones are the various cupcakes and biscuits.  I really need to get back in to baking, there's so many tasty recipes I want to try.  But for now, have a look at my Creepy Cupcakes if you fancy making a little something for your party this year (or just for yourself, that cool too).

8. Being Scared - No one wants to feel afraid. . . unless of course it's Halloween and you're having a blast with your friends!  Have any of you ever been to one of those fright-night, walk-through scare house things?  I did one once and it was so creepy and so cool :-D  Definitely give that a go if you get the chance.  Just try not to be the person right and the back, you've been warned!

9. Halloween Decorations - This one has to be one of the best things about Halloween and since I was a kid, they have got SO much bigger, better and fancier!  A few years ago my friend and I had a great time bargain hunting in the shops and we got loads of amazing bits and bobs to do up her house for a party, mostly from Poundland, Wilko and Asda, as they always have great stuff.  But the following year, I decided to save us some money and make my own.  So if you fancy getting crafty, have a look at my Easy DIY Halloween Decorations post for loads of ideas, because decorating your house for Halloween has to be one of the most fun things to do ever!

10. And finally HORROR MOVIES :-D - Quite possibly one of my favourite things in life are horror films!!  You cannot beat a good spooky horror, whether it's an old classic like Hocus Pocus, Poltergeist or The Fog, or something newer and even creepier like Mama, The Conjuring or The Woman in Black (all favs that I highly recommend by the way!)  Get on Netflix or bring out all your favourite old dvds and binge watch until you're too scared to walk around your house in the dark :-)  You're welcome!!

Whatever you do this year, have a really great Halloween and until next time, Stay Spooky

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Monday 30 September 2019

Celebrating Friends

Hi everyone, this is just a short 'friends appreciation' post.

I've had many friends over the years; many that have drifted away, others that have decided I no longer matter and have just disappeared from my life and of course 'fb friends', (you know the ones you accept a request from and on the rare occasion say hi to, even though you've no idea who they are or why they want to be on your friends list), yep I have those too. And I'm lucky enough to have a handful of others that are really lovely friends that I hold very dear

But then there are those few friends that have stayed with me, those that have been there for me through some of the worst times in my life and have literally saved me and I trust them completely, they are family.  Some I've known all my life, others are more recent but have made such an impression, I know they are in it for the long haul.  And this post is for you, to say thank you, to say sorry if I've ever not been the bestest friend I could have been at times, and because I love you all, you all mean the world to me

Just to add, I love all my friends, just for being in my life and being such lovely people!
This is also a little reminder to all my readers to go and appreciate your closest friends, tell them how important they are and to work out who has your back and maybe who doesn't!  Be careful who you trust with your secrets and emotions but treasure those that keep them safe, they are angels.

« My Besties - Florance B, Helz Charles, Shelley Williams, Ambika Padiyath, Lisa Stephens, Dawn Giles, Tracey Evans, Tash Irish, Samantha Morris, Kat Richardson, Alison Blackwell, Sarah Alderson, Charlie Cook, Kelly Eastick, Lynda Williamson, Youlia Tournaire «

So until next time, Stay Happy

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Tuesday 10 September 2019

Life Update and A Return to Blogging

I first started my blog on the 4th of November 2013 and I uploaded a post once a week, every single week without fail for over four years (how daily bloggers manage is beyond me!)  But for me that was pretty good going, since I consider myself as someone who doesn't always stick to a project for very long.  Anyway, sadly I've had a few times since then that have disrupted the routine, so I come back with an update post and always feel I need to apologise and explain my absence, and this seems to be the only posts I'm uploading these days which makes me sad when I think of how great my blog once was and how much I used to enjoy doing it!  This past 18 months I've barely blogged at all, maybe three or four times and I've really missed it.  So again, I apologise and I'm so thankful any of my regular readers are still here. This particular 18 months has probably been the busiest, most difficult and in general, the worst time of my life.  Between moving house twice, losing two precious members of my family, gaining another (that came with its own trials) and suffering severe depression because of it all, as well as constant flare-ups of my health condition due to the stress, it's most definitely been a terrible time, especially with some of it still going on.

I would so love to say that I will write again next week but more realistically I will say that I will try and do at least one or two posts a month, at the moment, and go from there hopefully with the end goal of getting back to a more regular schedule in the future.  Because it wasn't until I finally sat down to write this post, that I realise just how much I love blogging and writing.  It just feels so good to take time out of my hectic crazy life and do something just for me!  When everything around me is chaos, that feeling is precious!

As of now, I am concentrating on getting help for my mental health (because we all know how important that is and it's something I do want to talk about a lot more on here).  I'm also still working hard on reaching a few other important goals and there is a lot more to come.  I'm also thinking of doing a giveaway again this year, either in November to celebrate my blogs 6th year birthday, or in December for a Christmas giveaway, what do you guys think?  And if you can think of any particular prize or prizes that you would want, please let me know in the comments or message me on Twitter.

Stay happy everyone and follow your dreams!

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Thursday 16 May 2019

Life Update and Recent Favourites

Hi everyone, just thought I'd post a little update for you and let you know what I've been up to and what I'm watching of late.

April was pretty hectic, first off I started up a new Instagram account.  It's called Stronger Than We Think and it's just somewhere for me to upload some of my favourite quotes about positivity, my own deep thoughts and poems, mindfulness, depression, health etc.  Sometimes it gets a bit dark but then so do I, it's the type of stuff I don't feel happy sharing on my main IG account so only follow if you want, don't feel you have to, but thanks if you do.

Secondly, as mentioned above and you may have guessed going by the tone of some of my posts this year so far, but my anxiety and depression has taken a downward spiral and I've been struggling a lot.  I want to talk more about this at a later time because sadly I know so many people who are also struggling and it makes me so sad that everyone seems to suffer alone and feel like they are the only ones feeling that bad, they're not.  There are so many of us struggling and not coping, and I really want to do something to try and help that.  But that's something for another time.  Anyway, for my own sanity, I visited my GP recently and got referred to a Social Prescriber (never even knew that was a thing), who I saw a couple of weeks ago and again today (last week as I upload this).  She's very nice, I poured my heart out to her and apparently she's going to try and help me in practical ways.  While I also go and see a councillor to help sort my mess of a mind out, who I'm due to see at the end of May.  So I'll let you know how that goes and if it helps.  I'm hoping it will be an on-going process as basically I have a whole list of crap to work through!

For a little Heidi-the-Poodle update - she is completely adorable, loving life and never stops.  The 'puppy-biting' is a bit of a nightmare, especially as I'm always covered in teeth marks now-a-days and so is half our furniture!!!  But, hopefully that's just a phase, one she will soon (please God) grow out of, so I've been told.

On the Easter bank holiday weekend at the end of April, my family and I took her out for the day to Prestatyn.  Thankfully the weather was actually gorgeous!  And Heidi got to experience her very first time on sand, which was seriously one of the cutest things!!  She absolutely loved it and was whizzing around all over the place (there's a mini video on my IG).  We also discovered that Prestatyn has a really lovely waterfall called the Rhaeadr Dyserth Waterfall, which was tucked away in the middle of a really pretty wooded/park area with a gorgeous little stream, it was all very picturesque and made a nice day out.
As for any make up/product favourites these past months, let's put it this way, apart from last weekend, I haven't worn make up on my face since about January and I think half my stash may well be past it's best so.....  These days, I barely leave the house it seems, let alone have time to look presentable.  So keeping real, 'Instagramable' and 'Pinterest-worthy' I am not lol

Speaking of last weekend, to end off April I went to one of my favourite conventions, Wales Comic Con.  Admittedly it wasn't the most fun day of the year this time around as the weather was atrocious and I got soaked in the short time I was there, that particular morning was 'one-of-those-days' where EVERYTHING was going wrong, including taking the wrong bank card and me suddenly freaking out in the taxi thinking oh crap, I'm not going to have any money while I'm there or be able to get home (don't worry I got it sorted, eventually), as well as getting there late and not being able to find any of my friends!!  BUT despite that, I MET DAVID TENNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Oh my gosh, that man has such a sexy smile and he was SO sweet, completely made the rest of the crapy day worthwhile, I've been a fan of his for sooo many years, way before he was (let's face it) the best Doctor ever!!  I also met Billie Piper who was really nice and friendly.  And Emmy Raver-Lampman, who plays the beautiful Alison in one of my new favourite shows The Umbrella Academy (more on that in my next post).  I made her a TUA themed charm bracelet and she not only loved it, she really spent time with me talking about it and really looking at all the charms, it made my day.

Talking of new favourite shows, I have been heavily relying on Netflix of late to relax my over-stressed brain and wow have I found some gems.  I was going to write about them all in this post, but honestly, I SO did not plan for this post to be quite so long!!  So I'm going to do a Netflix Favourites for my next post and I'll write a mini review of each show, you might even find something new to watch, and there's quite a few!!

So until next time, Stay Happy

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Tuesday 7 May 2019

Living with an Invisible Illness

Hi everyone, after my last post I received very mixed reactions and comments.  Some people thought I was being quite over the top and dramatic saying how hard I was finding having a new puppy (who is currently driving me mad and still wearing me out, bless her little fluffy paws)!

I feel a new puppy for anyone can be super tiring as a few people have told me, but for someone with my type of health condition it can be a even harder.  So for those who don't know, I thought I would take this opportunity to tell you a bit more about my heath conditions and the type of symptoms I have to deal with on a daily basis.  To start off with I have several conditions; Fibromyalgia, Ehlers Danlos Syndrome (EDS) and chronic IBS, these all come with their own symptoms but as they often go hand-in-hand with each other, the symptoms get very intermingled.

Have you ever run a marathon and the next day feel like you've been hit by a truck, or had the worst flu ever?  That's how bad I feel 90% of the time, that level of feeling like I have no energy left, feeling weak, achy and in pain.

Doing even the most simple mundane tasks like vacuuming, washing up, having a shower or changing the bedding, tasks that most people barely think about, exhaust me to the point where sometimes I almost pass out.  And as for going out, even just for a few hours makes me so tired and worn out I have to sleep and try to recuperated for at least the following couple of days.

Here's a brief list of symptoms that I live with all day, every day -
Achy and very painful joints, muscles and limbs
Bones dislocating easily
Muscle spasms
Brain fog
Random weird feelings anywhere on my body that can feel like hot patches, itchy for no reason, pain like I've just bashed myself, bruised feeling or extremely sore patches that feel like cuts and grazes.
Just bending down gives me stomach pains and makes me dizzy.
As well as all that, I have very over sensitive skin, I can even feel a hair on me and clothes labels feel like razor blades, and if I get knocked or poked, it pains and bruises as much as if I had been hit.

That's just stage one, then when I've been doing tasks, add in to that list even more exhaustion, less energy, feeling extremely dizzy and sick, sometimes palpitations too, that's stage two.  And if I try to push on through it and carry on with daily tasks or extra jobs that I need to do, I go on to stage three where all my symptoms get worse and I end up feeling so exhausted and ill, I can barely move.

Finally, the more I do, the worse I get and if I over-do things too much too often, and/or I get too over stress, I get flare ups.  These are like being in stage two/three constantly for up to a week.  Trying to 'live life' and function feeling this  bad, is incredibly hard I can tell you, but life doesn't stop, the tasks still need to be done, and of course our puppy still has needs too.  Which as you may understand a little more now, is why I was finding it so hard.  In fact I was finding it so hard and getting so stressed with the whole situation (i.e feeling ill and still needing to manage), that I even had a break out of bad eczema which I haven't suffered with for about 9 years!  After eliminating different foods and other possible causes, my doctor told me was all due to the stress, I didn't even know stress could cause eczema but apparently yes it can!

So there you go, just a brief insight into what I deal with each day and how I feel.  It's not easy, it's not fun but sadly I'm used to it so I make the best of it and push through because that's just what you have to do.  Just maybe next time you throw the duster around or take out the trash, spare a thought for those of us with an 'Invisible illnesses' that can't do all these simple things quite so easily!

If you would like to know more details about how I came to have these health issues, when I was diagnosed etc, you can click here to see my post all about it, or click on the 'health' tab at the top of the page.

Going back to basics in my next post, with a little life update and some favourites.  So until next time, Stay Happy

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Sunday 3 March 2019

Motherhood is Exhausting - First Week of Having a Puppy

Hi everyone, well if you haven't read my last post already, we have a new 9 week old puppy and considering the fact that we have not had a puppy in my family for around 30 years (due to only having rescued Poodles), having one now has been a bit of a shock to the system!  It's only been 5 days so far and already I feel like I've been hit by a bus.  I don't have actual human children (as of yet) but I very much feel there are a lot of similarities.  For instance -

* Instead of changing nappies - I have pee pads and I'm constantly washing puddles on the floor.
* Instead of waking up to a screaming baby - I wake up to a very loud crying fur-baby!
* Most new mums seem to look a total mess and say they have no time for themselves - I can't even remember the last time I washed my hair, I get so warn out by early evening that the first time she finally takes a good nap, I have to do the same.  Eating anything has become a treat, I'm now used to drinking cold tea and getting any form of work done feels like a far distant dream!
* You long for that minute they get tired out and finally fall asleep - I literally use all my energy reserves to wear her out from playing, just so I can have 10 minutes of peace before the chaos returns!
* You start worrying about them the second you bring them home, is she breathing ok, is she eating enough, why is she scratching!!!
* Getting woken up super early with hardly any sleep - yep, my fur-baby seems to wake up every two hours, without fail.
* Therefore being so tired and exhausted you can barely function and you just want to huddle up in a corning and cry - yep constantly!
* Being covered in mushy food - how does one little dog make so much mess!!
* Constantly tripping over and having to tidying up toys that are strewn all over the floor - again yep!
* You don't want to hurt their feelings or upset them by having to discipline them but at the same time you're about ready to tear your hair out because they just won't take a single bit of notice of anything you say - what can I say, I try but looking at that adorable little face makes it very hard to tell her off.
* You begin to doubt yourself in every way and feel you're the worst parent ever and you wonder how you're ever going to cope - trust me, this feels just the same, I feel like this all the time.
* You wonder if you will ever see the outside world again or you'll be covered in wee, pooh and mashed up food forever more!!
* Having the patience of a saint - have any of you actually ever had to potty train a puppy?  Oh dear god!!
* Do they even make scratch mitts for puppies, because someone needs to!
* And as for those baby teeth, they're like built in needles, I have so many cuts on my fingers, my thumbs, my ankles, I'm like a walking sieve!

They say the 'puppy stage' last for up to 4-6 months, so this may be the last blog post from me . . . I may be dead by then, bid me a fond farewell :-(

Seriously, I am shattered, I knew it was going to be hard work but Oh boy!  Challenging, exhausting, knackering, emotional doesn't even cover it.  But even then, when I look down at her when she's fast asleep looking so innocent butter wouldn't melt, she melts my heart!  I cuddle her in my arms and I just feel overwhelmed with love, just like any other new mum because despite the chaos, she's my little baby.

For daily updates, photos and videos of little miss Heidi-Kate, please go follow her Instagram account.  And until next time, (if I manage to survive this puppy phase), Stay Happy
*(P.S. Some of you may laugh or think it's stupid, comparing having a dog to a baby but I honestly feel just because I didn't give birth to her, she is still a new tiny 9 week old living being I need to look after and love, and with that has come a lot of tiredness, emotion and stress, especially with me having bad health, so I feel there is a strong resemblance.  So please keep that in mind, thank you.)

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Monday 25 February 2019

A New Addition

Hi everyone, little life update for you today.  After the terrible loss off both our little girls at the end of last year, my family and I realised that after over 40 years of having Poodles in our lives, we just couldn't be without one.  We missed the cuddles, the play times and the company and we missed giving a loving home to a beautiful little fluff-ball.  We also felt that after many years of having older dogs and the worry and stress of their health getting bad, that we needed to smile again, we needed someone to come in and help take the dark clouds away and bring some fun back in our lives.  So . . .

Back on the 31st of December, a tiny little apricot girl was born and we knew straight away she had to be ours.  We've been getting regular updates and photos about her and on Monday the 11th of February we got to meet her.  As soon as she was handed to me, I cried, it was just so wonderful to be holding a little dog again.  She kept licking me and wagging her tiny little tail too, basically she's absolutely perfect and still so tiny :-)

After a very long time of trying to agree on a name, we have decide on Heidi-Kate and today, on Monday the 25th of Feb when we finally get to bring her home, she will be exactly 8 weeks old.

I'm keeping this post reasonably short as it's just a quick one to tell you the news, but I will be doing many more updates and another post shortly to introduce you properly, (a video at some point too).  In the mean time, if you would like to see the photos I have so far and keep up with her progress, I have created an Instagram account for her called Heidi's Poodle Adventures where I will be uploading a new photo/video every day.  I mean seriously, I think I might just overload my phone with the amount of photos I'll be taking of this adorable little bundle, I've already had to clear a tone of stuff off my phone lol :-)
So until next time, Stay Happy

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Sunday 10 February 2019

Getting There - (Living with Depression)

Hi everyone, I'm still foundering, I'm still grieving, I still cry and have many bad days.  But this past week has been ever so slightly better, I think that's partly down to finally writing all my thoughts down on paper (well in a blog post), maybe it helped a little.

I've really been trying to listen to music again here and there, nothing too much. The thought of something making me smile or feeling better through singing still makes me feel too guilty, I don't really understand why!

And I've been really trying to concentrate on things that keep my mind busy, like unpacking and sorting out my bedroom (which is still a long way from being functional, I still don't own a mattress!!)  And working on some new projects which I'm looking forward to sharing with you all (more on that in my next post).

There's a few things I'm looking forward to as the year progresses but that all seems a long way off and fought with stress and problems along the way!

At the this moment, I'm just so grateful for the handful of people in my life who have really been there for me on my worst days and all other days checking up on me, it's made a world of difference.  So thank you (you know who you are)!

All I can really say to end this post is, I know I will still have days when I wish I could go back to sleep and not have to deal with life, or days when I just can't 'human'.  But I am trying :-)
Until Next Time . . .

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Tuesday 29 January 2019

Struggling with Dark Times

Sitting here watching the snow falling down from a very dark sky, I can relate as everything in my own life seems to be falling apart these days and I'm struggling to find any light in this dark time.

3 months ago we lost a very precious member of our family, our little toy poodle Katie, 10 weeks later, we lost her best friend, our other precious baby Tilly.

I lost a big piece of my heart when they left us, there's not a day go by that I don't cry for them.  Some might say 'oh it's just a pet, just a dog', no, they were my babies I loved them like children and some days they were the only things that made me smile, now I just feel broken.

Having to deal with such a huge loss, as well as a multitude of other stresses (see my last post for a main one) has left me feeling so deflated and empty, I truly feel like I'll never be happy again.  But I've felt this way for a long time, I can't honestly even remember what happiness feels like it's been so long, many years, and now it's slipped even further away.  I used to love to sing, it was my escape but I've not felt like singing for nearly a year, I can't even listen to music anymore!  All my efforts to 'cheer myself up' fall short, positive plans get pushed aside when I get up late yet again or my health condition takes over and I feel too ill to move out the chair!  Things I look forward to or hope will happen get cancelled and it just adds to the gloom.  And regular panic attacks and constantly feeling like I want to cry seems to be the only emotions I have now.

This year was supposed to be a fresh start in many ways, but so far nothing and so I just feel stuck, going nowhere, waiting on other things before I can progress.  I feel lost.  I've even got to 'that' point a few times where I've thought I can't do this anymore, I want out and nearly did something 'stupid'.  But I guess there's still a part of me somewhere, that wants to cling on, and hope.
If you made this far, thank you and I'm sorry if this brought anyone down but this is just how I feel right now.  I love to write all the usual 'blogger' stuff but that's not always real life, sadly for me at the moment, this is and I don't want to be the kind of person who just plants a fake smile on and keeps all the pain hidden away, because if there's one thing I've learnt, it's if you don't talk about your feelings they fester and it can just make everything worse.

For those of you sticking with me, thank you and I promise my next post will be a bit more cheerful

Follow my blog with Bloglovin
 photo MyBlogSignature2_zps611ebcf4.png