Living with an Invisible Illness

Hi everyone, after my last post I received very mixed reactions and comments.  Some people thought I was being quite over the top and dramatic saying how hard I was finding having a new puppy (who is currently driving me mad and still wearing me out, bless her little fluffy paws)!

I feel a new puppy for anyone can be super tiring as a few people have told me, but for someone with my type of health condition it can be a even harder.  So for those who don't know, I thought I would take this opportunity to tell you a bit more about my heath conditions and the type of symptoms I have to deal with on a daily basis.  To start off with I have several conditions; Fibromyalgia, Ehlers Danlos Syndrome (EDS) and chronic IBS, these all come with their own symptoms but as they often go hand-in-hand with each other, the symptoms get very intermingled.

Have you ever run a marathon and the next day feel like you've been hit by a truck, or had the worst flu ever?  That's how bad I feel 90% of the time, that level of feeling like I have no energy left, feeling weak, achy and in pain.

Doing even the most simple mundane tasks like vacuuming, washing up, having a shower or changing the bedding, tasks that most people barely think about, exhaust me to the point where sometimes I almost pass out.  And as for going out, even just for a few hours makes me so tired and worn out I have to sleep and try to recuperated for at least the following couple of days.

Here's a brief list of symptoms that I live with all day, every day -
Tiredness
Achy and very painful joints, muscles and limbs
Headaches
Bones dislocating easily
Stiffness
Muscle spasms
Brain fog
Depression
Random weird feelings anywhere on my body that can feel like hot patches, itchy for no reason, pain like I've just bashed myself, bruised feeling or extremely sore patches that feel like cuts and grazes.
Just bending down gives me stomach pains and makes me dizzy.
As well as all that, I have very over sensitive skin, I can even feel a hair on me and clothes labels feel like razor blades, and if I get knocked or poked, it pains and bruises as much as if I had been hit.

That's just stage one, then when I've been doing tasks, add in to that list even more exhaustion, less energy, feeling extremely dizzy and sick, sometimes palpitations too, that's stage two.  And if I try to push on through it and carry on with daily tasks or extra jobs that I need to do, I go on to stage three where all my symptoms get worse and I end up feeling so exhausted and ill, I can barely move.

Finally, the more I do, the worse I get and if I over-do things too much too often, and/or I get too over stress, I get flare ups.  These are like being in stage two/three constantly for up to a week.  Trying to 'live life' and function feeling this  bad, is incredibly hard I can tell you, but life doesn't stop, the tasks still need to be done, and of course our puppy still has needs too.  Which as you may understand a little more now, is why I was finding it so hard.  In fact I was finding it so hard and getting so stressed with the whole situation (i.e feeling ill and still needing to manage), that I even had a break out of bad eczema which I haven't suffered with for about 9 years!  After eliminating different foods and other possible causes, my doctor told me was all due to the stress, I didn't even know stress could cause eczema but apparently yes it can!

So there you go, just a brief insight into what I deal with each day and how I feel.  It's not easy, it's not fun but sadly I'm used to it so I make the best of it and push through because that's just what you have to do.  Just maybe next time you throw the duster around or take out the trash, spare a thought for those of us with an 'Invisible illnesses' that can't do all these simple things quite so easily!

If you would like to know more details about how I came to have these health issues, when I was diagnosed etc, you can click here to see my post all about it, or click on the 'health' tab at the top of the page.

Going back to basics in my next post, with a little life update and some favourites.  So until next time, Stay Happy ♥

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Struggling with Dark Times

Sitting here watching the snow falling down from a very dark sky, I can relate as everything in my own life seems to be falling apart these days and I'm struggling to find any light in this dark time.

3 months ago we lost a very precious member of our family, our little toy poodle Katie, 10 weeks later, we lost her best friend, our other precious baby Tilly.

I lost a big piece of my heart when they left us, there's not a day go by that I don't cry for them.  Some might say 'oh it's just a pet, just a dog', no, they were my babies I loved them like children and some days they were the only things that made me smile, now I just feel broken.

Having to deal with such a huge loss, as well as a multitude of other stresses (see my last post for a main one) has left me feeling so deflated and empty, I truly feel like I'll never be happy again.  But I've felt this way for a long time, I can't honestly even remember what happiness feels like it's been so long, many years, and now it's slipped even further away.  I used to love to sing, it was my escape but I've not felt like singing for nearly a year, I can't even listen to music anymore!  All my efforts to 'cheer myself up' fall short, positive plans get pushed aside when I get up late yet again or my health condition takes over and I feel too ill to move out the chair!  Things I look forward to or hope will happen get cancelled and it just adds to the gloom.  And regular panic attacks and constantly feeling like I want to cry seems to be the only emotions I have now.

This year was supposed to be a fresh start in many ways, but so far nothing and so I just feel stuck, going nowhere, waiting on other things before I can progress.  I feel lost.  I've even got to 'that' point a few times where I've thought I can't do this anymore, I want out and nearly did something 'stupid'.  But I guess there's still a part of me somewhere, that wants to cling on, and hope.

If you made this far, thank you and I'm sorry if this brought anyone down but this is just how I feel right now.  I love to write all the usual 'blogger' stuff but that's not always real life, sadly for me at the moment, this is and I don't want to be the kind of person who just plants a fake smile on and keeps all the pain hidden away, because if there's one thing I've learnt, it's if you don't talk about your feelings they fester and it can just make everything worse.

For those of you sticking with me, thank you and I promise my next post will be a bit more cheerful ♥

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