Sunday, 10 February 2019

Getting There - (Living with Depression)


Hi everyone, I'm still foundering, I'm still grieving, I still cry and have many bad days.  But this past week has been ever so slightly better, I think that's partly down to finally writing all my thoughts down on paper (well in a blog post), maybe it helped a little.

I've really been trying to listen to music again here and there, nothing too much. The thought of something making me smile or feeling better through singing still makes me feel too guilty, I don't really understand why!

And I've been really trying to concentrate on things that keep my mind busy, like unpacking and sorting out my bedroom (which is still a long way from being functional, I still don't own a mattress!!)  And working on some new projects which I'm looking forward to sharing with you all (more on that in my next post).

There's a few things I'm looking forward to as the year progresses but that all seems a long way off and fought with stress and problems along the way!

At the this moment, I'm just so grateful for the handful of people in my life who have really been there for me on my worst days and all other days checking up on me, it's made a world of difference.  So thank you (you know who you are)!

All I can really say to end this post is, I know I will still have days when I wish I could go back to sleep and not have to deal with life, or days when I just can't 'human'.  But I am trying :-)
Until Next Time . . .

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Tuesday, 29 January 2019

Struggling with Dark Times


Sitting here watching the snow falling down from a very dark sky, I can relate as everything in my own life seems to be falling apart these days and I'm struggling to find any light in this dark time.

3 months ago we lost a very precious member of our family, our little toy poodle Katie, 10 weeks later, we lost her best friend, our other precious baby Tilly.


I lost a big piece of my heart when they left us, there's not a day go by that I don't cry for them.  Some might say 'oh it's just a pet, just a dog', no, they were my babies I loved them like children and some days they were the only things that made me smile, now I just feel broken.

Having to deal with such a huge loss, as well as a multitude of other stresses (see my last post for a main one) has left me feeling so deflated and empty, I truly feel like I'll never be happy again.  But I've felt this way for a long time, I can't honestly even remember what happiness feels like it's been so long, many years, and now it's slipped even further away.  I used to love to sing, it was my escape but I've not felt like singing for nearly a year, I can't even listen to music anymore!  All my efforts to 'cheer myself up' fall short, positive plans get pushed aside when I get up late yet again or my health condition takes over and I feel too ill to move out the chair!  Things I look forward to or hope will happen get cancelled and it just adds to the gloom.  And regular panic attacks and constantly feeling like I want to cry seems to be the only emotions I have now.

This year was supposed to be a fresh start in many ways, but so far nothing and so I just feel stuck, going nowhere, waiting on other things before I can progress.  I feel lost.  I've even got to 'that' point a few times where I've thought I can't do this anymore, I want out and nearly did something 'stupid'.  But I guess there's still a part of me somewhere, that wants to cling on, and hope.
If you made this far, thank you and I'm sorry if this brought anyone down but this is just how I feel right now.  I love to write all the usual 'blogger' stuff but that's not always real life, sadly for me at the moment, this is and I don't want to be the kind of person who just plants a fake smile on and keeps all the pain hidden away, because if there's one thing I've learnt, it's if you don't talk about your feelings they fester and it can just make everything worse.


For those of you sticking with me, thank you and I promise my next post will be a bit more cheerful

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Friday, 18 January 2019

Living with Abuse & Getting Help



Hi today I want to talk about something I've never really spoke about online before, what it's like living with an abusive family member, my father.
I won't go in to too many details but, I will say it's been going on for a very long time, it's never been sexual abuse, but it has been physical and it's always mental.  Some days are easier than other and there's very rare times when things are good.  But on a daily basis, life is hard.

Today it was a bad day and I got to a point where I thought if I don't talk to someone right now, I don't know how I'm going to get through the rest of the day.  I'd heard online about a text service called Young Minds, you text 85258 (uk) and you can talk to a trained councillor, for free!  Today it was just what I needed, it made things so much better knowing there was someone there to listen, and they gave me some good advice too.  Sometimes just talking to someone can help ease the weight of the world and the black cloud that hangs over you.

I will write more about this if anyone would like me to.  It's not the type of post I was hoping to upload for the start of the year but I do want to make my posts more personal and less generic than they used to be.  I hope this helps someone out there who might need a friendly ear and if you want to ask anything or would like to talk, just add a comment and I'll message you.

I also just wanted to share a few of my favourite quotes that help me on a bad day, I hope they help you too.



Stay Strong

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Monday, 5 November 2018

Hello & 5th Blog Birthday

 

Hi everyone, some of you may not remember me and some of you may have wondered where I'd gone, since I haven't uploaded a blog post in forever!  So if you did happen to wonder, thank you!  I have been away for quite a while, taking (this time) a planned break from blogging and youtube, while I get my life a bit more organized including moving house (twice)!!  But I wanted to write this quick post today to let you guys know I've not forgotten about you my readers, that I'm longing to properly get back to blogging and filming (hopefully by next month) and also to commemorate my little blog's 5th birthday :-D

I can't believe it's been five years since I sat down and wrote and uploaded my first ever blog post and it does make me feel sad that I've missed so much time when life has taken priority and I've not been able to keep up with posting regularly like I always used to.
I'm also sad to say that this year unlike all my previous 'blog birthdays', I'm not running a giveaway this time.  However, DO expect one in the near future!!

I have MANY future plans for my blog and for my youtube channel, which I also can not wait to get back to, just know that it is all going to be 'new and improved', and I'm very excited!!!

So if you did stick with me, or if you're new here at Crystal Sparkly Dreams, Welcome and a HUGE thank you!! :-)  And as always until next time, Stay Happy

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Monday, 27 August 2018

R.I.P. to the Naked Palette!


Hi everyone, earlier today I found out that the most loved eyeshadow palette around is being laid to rest, yes after 8 long years, the famous Urban Decay Naked Palette is being discontinued!  I couldn't believe it when I heard the news, there were a few rumours going around on Twitter, then I saw it for myself on UDs Instagram.


The Naked palette was the first 'high end' palette I ever bought, about 3 and a half years ago, thanks to so many youtubers recommending it, I have sworn by it ever since and quickly came to love the whole UD range.  I could soon see why everyone raved about it and held it as such a 'holy grail' item in their makeup bags, and now I certainly do too!

I won't waste my time telling you how gorgeous the shades are, how versatile and how perfectly blendable because if you own this palette then you'll already know but if you don't, I suggest you buy it quick and guard it with your life because you will honestly never want to be without it.  Seriously, if there was a fire/earthquake/zombie apocalypse and you could only rescue one of your palettes, this one would be it! :-D

In all seriousness, I am absolutely amazed that Urban Decay have decided to discontinue this palette because it is such an icon and such a loved product and I as will we all, be very sad to see it go.



How long ago did you buy yours and do you still love it?  Let me know in the comments.  Let's all commiserate together and show our love for this beloved product that will be severely missed!
RIP to the dear Naked Palette


Until Next Time Stay Happy
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