10th Blog Birthday and Life Update

Hi everyone. I am sitting here writing this post now, listening to the fireworks going off in the distance, feeling quite sad and disappointed.  Today is once again my Blog Birthday and it is actually the tenth year!  I always thought years ago, that if I ever managed to keep my blog going for this length of time, I would do such a great post and a big giveaway to celebrate having my blog for 10 years!  But sadly, I haven't really been able to keep my blog going, not like I used to, because the last few years I have barely been posting.  And I do wonder, does anyone even read blogs anymore?!

I used to love writing my posts so much, I put so much effort into each and every one.  I loved taking and editing the photos and would spend hours on it, and for many years I posted every single week.  But life changed, things got difficult and hard and even though I really wanted to keep it going, it just never did.  Like I wrote a while back, I will try not to ever actually close the site or delete my blog, so it will still be here for anyone to read, including myself and I will post some times, just because I do love to write and hope that someone out there might still take the time to read it.

I hope to be able to write some more positive posts but at the moment, my depression has taken a big nosedive and I'm not doing too good.  I'm not happy at all with my life and I feel like I'm drowning with the grief of losing my Dad a year ago.

On the plus side, and two of the only things that have really been a positive in my life is that one, I have been learning a language.  Which is something I didn't even think I was capable of as I was chronically terrible at learning French at school.  I even got a U in a French test!!  But thankfully, I do seem to be learning well with my new chosen language, which I've been learning for nearly a year now.  And what is the language you may ask!  I am learning Finnish :-)  It is quite complex but a beautiful language.  I've also been learning a lot about Finland and the Finnish culture.  Maybe I'll do a post about it one day, if anyone is interested.

The second interest that has kept me sane this past 7-8 months, is my new music account, called @music2heal.my.soul and it is on both Instagram and Tiktok.  After I re-found all my favourite music and favourite bands near the beginning of last year.  I have mentioned this in more detail in my last post, which you can read here, Making Changes.
I love my little place on the internet, whether it's posting on my blog or spending time making lyric videos and posting on my music accounts.  And I want to keep doing these things, because it gives me pleasure and gives me something nice to focus on, as well as great happiness when I know it makes others smile too.

If you are one of my original followers, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for sticking with me, and if you're new here and managed to read this far (I am known for writing loooong posts), then again, thank you.

Until Next Time, whenever that may be.  Stay Cool and Be Yourself ♥

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Making Changes

Hi everyone, I have had my blog for 9 and a half years now and it saddens me that years ago, I would spend hours on my blog and post every single week (sometimes twice a week), without fail but now as you may have noticed, I have barely added more than a handful of posts for the past few of years.  Life has never been easy but the past few years have been quite awful and far too much to cope with, including nearly losing my Mum because she got so ill a couple of years ago.  I would have loved to sit and relax and just work on blog posts but sadly there was never a chance to do that.

When my Dad became ill near the beginning of last year, everything started to change; I had to take on a lot more responsibilities and had far less time to myself.  Then when he passed away last October, so many more things changed, my daily life changed, my priorities changed, I changed as a person.

I have also discovered over the past year, that I have ADHD - this has really opened my eyes and made me understand so much more about myself.  I'm so glad that I found out because for the first time in my life I finally feel like I'm not to blame for all the things I forget to do or can't concentrate on, for the way I think and feel about things and so much more.  But on the flip side, grieving for my Dad has been hard enough but having a condition like ADHD has made it even harder to cope with and has very much flared up all of my symptoms, both mentally and physically.

On the plus side to all this, I seem to have rediscovered myself; what I like, how I want to be seen, what type of person I am etc.  I realised that for many, many years, I've been wearing a mask and trying very hard to fit in by being someone I'm not.  I feel like I have a new sense of myself now, I am more focused on my goals, I've added new ones and changed others to fit in more with what I'm into now.  I've changed the way I am with people, the type of music I listen to and even what I wear.

One of these personal changes, has been getting back into music.  It was always a massive passion in my life, I used to sing all the time, I was studying Performing Arts at collage and I used to write a lot of songs.  But after I left college just over 20 years ago, other things in life took priority and the goal to be a singer fell into the background.  My musical tastes changed and became more mainstream, I stopped singing as much, then not at all and I gave up on writing too.

It wasn't until my Dad got ill in February last year, that I just desperately needed something to help me get through it, to cope with it all.  So I decided to start listening to a lot of my favourite bands and albums from when I was at my happiest, back when I was a Goth at collage.  So out came all my Linkin Park cds, Evanescence, Love Metal by HIM (an incredible album!) and finally one of my favourite albums of all Dead Letters by The Rasmus.  I then found out that this band was still going and had released 7 other albums which I purchased straight away and learnt every song within about 2 months!  I haven't stopped listening to my favourite bands since then, every day because I soon realised music was the only thing that really made me feel alive, happier and calmer, just like it used to, and like I can cope better.  On top of that, it made me want to start singing again, and now I practice every day.  I've even started to write again too!  I know at my age, it's too late for me to have the music career I always wanted 20 years ago but I still love to sing so much and I do it just to make me happier now.

When I first decided to write this post, it was going to basically be, me saying goodbye to my blog and letting you guys know why I wasn't going to be posting anymore.  But whilst writing it, I've basically remembered how much I love doing it!  So here's the plan. . . Oh and if you've actually made it this far (because this was going to be a short post but as always, it's turned into War and Peace), thank you and please do keep reading, I promise I will get to the point, eventually!

- So the future plan for my blog now is, I'm just going to write whatever the heck I feel like talking about, whenever I feel like posting anything.  No set days for posting, because let's face it I will not stick to it and I don't want to be compartmentalized or labelled as being a certain type of blogger or only writing about one or two topics.  I have so many interests and these days I have so many other things I want to be able to write about instead of the boring old-style posts of 'What's in my handbag' or 'Top 5 lipsticks', like I used to!  I want to write about my ADHD and all the crazy things I've found out about it and myself.  I want to write about my shop that I run, that not that many people (especially my blog followers) know about.  And about my favourite music and show you my very different style of outfits that I was too nervous to wear before.  I now embrace the fact that I'm different; a neurodivergent rock chick who is sick of trying to 'fit in' just to be seen as normal and be accepted.  I am Me again and I am so much happier and more confident for it.

Once again, I also want to say a massive thank you if you are an original follower of my blog, thank you SO much for staying with me all these years.  I really, really appreciate it and to any new comers, hi and welcome!

You can now also find me on IG and TikTok @music2heal.my.soul which is my new music accounts.  I absolutely love them.  I post quite regularly and post about my favourite bands, amazing songs that I feel everyone should hear, my own lyric video edits, music memes, basically anything to do with the type of music I love.  I hope to also upload videos of me singing at some point but I do need to pluck up a bit more courage first!

So until next time, whenever that may be, Stay Cool ♥

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