Thursday 22 June 2023

Making Changes

Hi everyone, I have had my blog for 9 and a half years now and it saddens me that years ago, I would spend hours on my blog and post every single week (sometimes twice a week), without fail but now as you may have noticed, I have barely added more than a handful of posts for the past few of years.  Life has never been easy but the past few years have been quite awful and far too much to cope with, including nearly losing my Mum because she got so ill a couple of years ago.  I would have loved to sit and relax and just work on blog posts but sadly there was never a chance to do that.

When my Dad became ill near the beginning of last year, everything started to change; I had to take on a lot more responsibilities and had far less time to myself.  Then when he passed away last October, so many more things changed, my daily life changed, my priorities changed, I changed as a person.

I have also discovered over the past year, that I have ADHD - this has really opened my eyes and made me understand so much more about myself.  I'm so glad that I found out because for the first time in my life I finally feel like I'm not to blame for all the things I forget to do or can't concentrate on, for the way I think and feel about things and so much more.  But on the flip side, grieving for my Dad has been hard enough but having a condition like ADHD has made it even harder to cope with and has very much flared up all of my symptoms, both mentally and physically.

On the plus side to all this, I seem to have rediscovered myself; what I like, how I want to be seen, what type of person I am etc.  I realised that for many, many years, I've been wearing a mask and trying very hard to fit in by being someone I'm not.  I feel like I have a new sense of myself now, I am more focused on my goals, I've added new ones and changed others to fit in more with what I'm into now.  I've changed the way I am with people, the type of music I listen to and even what I wear.

One of these personal changes, has been getting back into music.  It was always a massive passion in my life, I used to sing all the time, I was studying Performing Arts at collage and I used to write a lot of songs.  But after I left college just over 20 years ago, other things in life took priority and the goal to be a singer fell into the background.  My musical tastes changed and became more mainstream, I stopped singing as much, then not at all and I gave up on writing too.

It wasn't until my Dad got ill in February last year, that I just desperately needed something to help me get through it, to cope with it all.  So I decided to start listening to a lot of my favourite bands and albums from when I was at my happiest, back when I was a Goth at collage.  So out came all my Linkin Park cds, Evanescence, Love Metal by HIM (an incredible album!) and finally one of my favourite albums of all Dead Letters by The Rasmus.  I then found out that this band was still going and had released 7 other albums which I purchased straight away and learnt every song within about 2 months!  I haven't stopped listening to my favourite bands since then, every day because I soon realised music was the only thing that really made me feel alive, happier and calmer, just like it used to, and like I can cope better.  On top of that, it made me want to start singing again, and now I practice every day.  I've even started to write again too!  I know at my age, it's too late for me to have the music career I always wanted 20 years ago but I still love to sing so much and I do it just to make me happier now.

When I first decided to write this post, it was going to basically be, me saying goodbye to my blog and letting you guys know why I wasn't going to be posting anymore.  But whilst writing it, I've basically remembered how much I love doing it!  So here's the plan. . . Oh and if you've actually made it this far (because this was going to be a short post but as always, it's turned into War and Peace), thank you and please do keep reading, I promise I will get to the point, eventually!

- So the future plan for my blog now is, I'm just going to write whatever the heck I feel like talking about, whenever I feel like posting anything.  No set days for posting, because let's face it I will not stick to it and I don't want to be compartmentalized or labelled as being a certain type of blogger or only writing about one or two topics.  I have so many interests and these days I have so many other things I want to be able to write about instead of the boring old-style posts of 'What's in my handbag' or 'Top 5 lipsticks', like I used to!  I want to write about my ADHD and all the crazy things I've found out about it and myself.  I want to write about my shop that I run, that not that many people (especially my blog followers) know about.  And about my favourite music and show you my very different style of outfits that I was too nervous to wear before.  I now embrace the fact that I'm different; a neurodivergent rock chick who is sick of trying to 'fit in' just to be seen as normal and be accepted.  I am Me again and I am so much happier and more confident for it.

Once again, I also want to say a massive thank you if you are an original follower of my blog, thank you SO much for staying with me all these years.  I really, really appreciate it and to any new comers, hi and welcome!

You can now also find me on IG and TikTok which is my new music accounts.  I absolutely love them.  I post quite regularly and post about my favourite bands, amazing songs that I feel everyone should hear, my own lyric video edits, music memes, basically anything to do with the type of music I love.  I hope to also upload videos of me singing at some point but I do need to pluck up a bit more courage first!

So until next time, whenever that may be, Stay Cool

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